WELCOME TO YOUR NEW NORMAL! (for now, anyway)

This coronavirus sure has been something, huh? As men and women, we’ve grown very comfortable with the idea that we have control over so many parts of our lives – both personally and as a community. We’re so confident that we can can predict, plan, and prepare for every eventuality. That helps us feel safe, doesn’t it? And then something like this virus comes along and puts us in our place within the cosmic universe.

Day by day, hour by hour, one public notice at a time, we’ve begun to realize that we’ve been sucker punched by an unprecedented unknown that has had every medical team across the map scrambling to, at the very least, identify it. We didn’t have time for the learning curve this virus demands. Now, we’re are biting at the leash that’s keeping us at home, away from anyone who wasn’t already living with us.

Suddenly, nothing looks familiar. Not work, hanging out, shopping, church, school, weekly Bible study groups. Nothing. And just when you get bored and think about going to a movie or having lunch with a friend, you’re reminded that you can’t.

I have a daughter who will be graduating in May, though we have no idea what that will look like. (My money’s on a Power Point presentation.) But Maggie also works about 30 hours a week at Walmart and has seen just about any version of civilized humanity you can imagine. A couple of weeks ago, she developed an upper respiratory infection that kept her home for a week. Just as she was ready to return to work, my husband found he had walking pneumonia and strep. We’ve become acutely aware of the choices we must make to not go to work and risk infecting someone else and lowering their immune system, or to bring home something to our family while our immune systems are weaker.

Minnesota’s Governor Walz pointed out a significant source of frustration for many of us. Yes, it’s obviously frustrating to be stuck in the house, not knowing when we’ll ever get back to our routine. But what’s even more frustrating for us is realizing that the most powerful and helpful thing we can do now is nothing. If our area was facing flooding, we could sandbag for days. If we were surrounded by snow, we could shovel. If a neighbor had a death in the family, we could make enough hot dishes (that’s “casserole” for the rest of you ;D) to fill a freezer or two. If someone needed help paying medical bills, we could hold a fundraiser.

But right now, we will do our best by doing nothing and going nowhere.

Life hasn’t come to a complete standstill, though, has it? The school year isn’t over, so our students and their educational staff are getting schooled in distance learning. Zoom is making sure it’s business as usual for businesses and groups and families. Church services are available online, even making it possible for church members to comment in real time and engage with each other during the service (which would otherwise be frowned upon inside the building itself).

We’ve become an international community, and that’s the very thing that has allowed the coronavirus to become a pandemic. We also have an incredible amount of technology available to us, which has helped us avoid closing up shop completely. No, our best efforts to do business as usually has not been smooth or pretty because we weren’t given time to prepare, and some businesses are unfortunately closed for now. On the other hand, there are those businesses who have reinvented themselves in remarkable ways – some by changing how they do business and others by changing what they do as a business!

I genuinely believe our strength can be found in how adaptable we are, how inventive we are, how creative we are, how very resilient we are. Sure, some of us might hoard and stockpile toilet paper, leaving others without. Some of us may buy tons of hand sanitizer and uncharitably try to sell it for a profit. But at the very heart of our humanity are those who are at their absolute best!

John Kennedy is credited with saying, ““The Chinese use two brush strokes to write the word ‘crisis.’ One brush stroke stands for danger; the other for opportunity. In a crisis, be aware of the danger–but recognize the opportunity.”

This pandemic is a crisis to be sure! I think we’re beginning to adopt a healthy respect for the danger this virus presents. I also think we’re beginning to see the opportunities it presents.

We’re being given the opportunity to evaluate and reimagine our world and the way we live in it. How do we learn? How do we work? How do we worship? How do we get together with friends and family? How do we comfort each other when a loved one has died? How to we do anything?

Do we need to go to a school building to learn things from a teacher and book? Does all of our work need to be done inside a building? Can we only worship if we go to a church building every Sunday?

In the past, the answer was a resounding YES! The only way a child was going to learn was to go where the information was and receive it from the teacher. (You might enjoy this thought-provoking TED Talk regarding this.) Today, we don’t lack information! We need critical and discerning minds to determine is true and what is almost true. We need creative minds to apply what is learned. Which means it might be time to recognize the power of introversion or attention deficit and invite them to the table – but only if the introverts want to hang out with the extroverts around the table! ;D

In the past, our businesses made things, tangible things made with machines inside buildings that were absolutely too heavy to move. We still do that today, but we’ve also made a business of ideas that can be shared from anywhere in the world. We can hold meetings in our homes wearing a shirt and jacket on top and comfy fleece and bunny slippers beneath the table – or a trendy tutu like John Krasinski recently wore during one episode of SGN (Some Good News) when he and the cast of Hamilton surprised a fangirl.

And worship? How sad to think we can’t worship, honor, and love our Creator only if we get dressed up and go to a building. Our Father is everywhere we are, all the time. He takes up residence in us by means of the Holy Spirit. Still, I am missing face-to-face fellowship with my church family, or anyone who wants to share their love of and appreciation of our Father. I believe it’s good and right to gather when we can – even if there are only two of us and we’re in the pet food aisle at the grocery store – once we’re allowed to get closer than 6 feet from each other again.

This crisis has also given us the opportunity to take inventory of our lives and adjust our perspective. For example, self-isolation has given me a chance to take a really, really good look at my house. When we bought our home 10 years ago, it came with a three-season porch. Over those ten years, we’ve used it for general storage and as a cooling unit for pop and food in the spring and fall. At one point, the rubber roof had been damaged and rain had soaked part of the roof, leaving pieces of the ceiling just hanging there. They’re still hanging there. In all of those years, we have never actually looked at the work it would take to make it usable for its intended purpose – a place for us to enjoy! This past week, we finally began the process of deconstruction that should help is in a better reconstruction, and as you may guess, it’s old and it’s gross! But all it will take to make it better is an affordable list of supplies, some elbow grease, and some time. For 10 years, our windows have had glazing that’s fallen off and collected at the bottom or is currently curling up to die. These are Frankenstein windows – if you’ve ever had an old house with windows and their hardware painted shut, you know just what I mean! But today, I know they can be restored!

What about you? In addition to the Honey-Do List, have you taken a look at your life and realized there are some things you miss greatly and will treasure all the more when this pandemic passes? Are there things that had kept you incredibly busy that you can’t currently do – like running your kids to practices and games for every sport or activity your child was signed up for? Have you remembered how much you enjoy reading and plan to intentionally carve out more time for it? Are you reacquainting yourself with your spouse and children?

Have you found that Easter is more than the clothes, Easter egg hunts, going to Grandma’s and getting your child’s picture taken with the Easter bunny when you’re the only one who wants a traditional Easter photo – even if it turns out like this one? This is my favorite. Maggie wouldn’t stop crying, Sophie was completely done with the whole thing, and if you look close enough, you may even see the agonized scowl of the Easter bunny himself. (Sure, I could have put an end to the agony, but we’d already stood in line for 45 minutes and I’m no quitter!) Just be careful about saying this was the year we didn’t have Easter.

Yes, it’s important to be cautious and follow the lead of those in a position to inform and guide us. Being cautious and careful is smart. And don’t worry because when God doesn’t protect or prevent the way we think he should, he will provide.

Above all, please don’t miss the opportunity to take inventory and reimagine your world! You never know when something completely unimaginable is exactly what we desperately need.

Resurrection of Jesus Christ by Vintage Works (2009)

This coronavirus sure has been something, huh? As men and women, we’ve grown very comfortable with the idea that we have control over so many parts of our lives – both personally and as a community. We’re so confident that we can can predict, plan, and prepare for every eventuality. That helps us feel safe, doesn’t it? And then something like this virus comes along and puts us in our place within the cosmic universe.

Day by day, hour by hour, one public notice at a time, we’ve begun to realize that we’ve been sucker punched by an unprecedented unknown that has had every medical team across the map scrambling to, at the very least, identify it. We didn’t have time for the learning curve this virus demands. Now, we’re are biting at the leash that’s keeping us at home, away from anyone who wasn’t already living with us.

Suddenly, nothing looks familiar. Not work, hanging out, shopping, church, school, weekly Bible study groups. Nothing. And just when you get bored and think about going to a movie or having lunch with a friend, you’re reminded that you can’t.

I have a daughter who will be graduating in May, though we have no idea what that will look like. (My money’s on a Power Point presentation.) But Maggie also works about 30 hours a week at Walmart and has seen just about any version of civilized humanity you can imagine. A couple of weeks ago, she developed an upper respiratory infection that kept her home for a week. Just as she was ready to return to work, my husband found he had walking pneumonia and strep. We’ve become acutely aware of the choices we must make to not go to work and risk infecting someone else and lowering their immune system, or to bring home something to our family while our immune systems are weaker.

Minnesota’s Governor Walz pointed out a significant source of frustration for many of us. Yes, it’s obviously frustrating to be stuck in the house, not knowing when we’ll ever get back to our routine. But what’s even more frustrating for us is realizing that the most powerful and helpful thing we can do now is nothing. If our area was facing flooding, we could sandbag for days. If we were surrounded by snow, we could shovel. If a neighbor had a death in the family, we could make enough hot dishes (that’s “casserole” for the rest of you ;D) to fill a freezer or two. If someone needed help paying medical bills, we could hold a fundraiser.

But right now, we will do our best by doing nothing and going nowhere.

Life hasn’t come to a complete standstill, though, has it? The school year isn’t over, so our students and their educational staff are getting schooled in distance learning. Zoom is making sure it’s business as usual for businesses and groups and families. Church services are available online, even making it possible for church members to comment in real time and engage with each other during the service (which would otherwise be frowned upon inside the building itself).

We’ve become an international community, and that’s the very thing that has allowed the coronavirus to become a pandemic. We also have an incredible amount of technology available to us, which has helped us avoid closing up shop completely. No, our best efforts to do business as usually has not been smooth or pretty because we weren’t given time to prepare, and some businesses are unfortunately closed for now. On the other hand, there are those businesses who have reinvented themselves in remarkable ways – some by changing how they do business and others by changing what they do as a business!

I genuinely believe our strength can be found in how adaptable we are, how inventive we are, how creative we are, how very resilient we are. Sure, some of us might hoard and stockpile toilet paper, leaving others without. Some of us may buy tons of hand sanitizer and uncharitably try to sell it for a profit. But at the very heart of our humanity are those who are at their absolute best!

John Kennedy is credited with saying, ““The Chinese use two brush strokes to write the word ‘crisis.’ One brush stroke stands for danger; the other for opportunity. In a crisis, be aware of the danger–but recognize the opportunity.”

This pandemic is a crisis to be sure! I think we’re beginning to adopt a healthy respect for the danger this virus presents. I also think we’re beginning to see the opportunities it presents.

We’re being given the opportunity to evaluate and reimagine our world and the way we live in it. How do we learn? How do we work? How do we worship? How do we get together with friends and family? How do we comfort each other when a loved one has died? How to we do anything?

Do we need to go to a school building to learn things from a teacher and book? Does all of our work need to be done inside a building? Can we only worship if we go to a church building every Sunday?

In the past, the answer was a resounding YES! The only way a child was going to learn was to go where the information was and receive it from the teacher. (You might enjoy this thought-provoking TED Talk regarding this.) Today, we don’t lack information! We need critical and discerning minds to determine is true and what is almost true. We need creative minds to apply what is learned. Which means it might be time to recognize the power of introversion or attention deficit and invite them to the table – but only if the introverts want to hang out with the extroverts around the table! ;D

In the past, our businesses made things, tangible things made with machines inside buildings that were absolutely too heavy to move. We still do that today, but we’ve also made a business of ideas that can be shared from anywhere in the world. We can hold meetings in our homes wearing a shirt and jacket on top and comfy fleece and bunny slippers beneath the table – or a trendy tutu like John Krasinski recently wore during one episode of SGN (Some Good News) when he and the cast of Hamilton surprised a fangirl.

And worship? How sad to think we can’t worship, honor, and love our Creator only if we get dressed up and go to a building. Our Father is everywhere we are, all the time. He takes up residence in us by means of the Holy Spirit. Still, I am missing face-to-face fellowship with my church family, or anyone who wants to share their love of and appreciation of our Father. I believe it’s good and right to gather when we can – even if there are only two of us and we’re in the pet food aisle at the grocery store – once we’re allowed to get closer than 6 feet from each other again.

This crisis has also given us the opportunity to take inventory of our lives and adjust our perspective. For example, self-isolation has given me a chance to take a really, really good look at my house. When we bought our home 10 years ago, it came with a three-season porch. Over those ten years, we’ve used it for general storage and as a cooling unit for pop and food in the spring and fall. At one point, the rubber roof had been damaged and rain had soaked part of the roof, leaving pieces of the ceiling just hanging there. They’re still hanging there. In all of those years, we have never actually looked at the work it would take to make it usable for its intended purpose – a place for us to enjoy! This past week, we finally began the process of deconstruction that should help is in a better reconstruction, and as you may guess, it’s old and it’s gross! But all it will take to make it better is an affordable list of supplies, some elbow grease, and some time. For 10 years, our windows have had glazing that’s fallen off and collected at the bottom or is currently curling up to die. These are Frankenstein windows – if you’ve ever had an old house with windows and their hardware painted shut, you know just what I mean! But today, I know they can be restored!

What about you? In addition to the Honey-Do List, have you taken a look at your life and realized there are some things you miss greatly and will treasure all the more when this pandemic passes? Are there things that had kept you incredibly busy that you can’t currently do – like running your kids to practices and games for every sport or activity your child was signed up for? Have you remembered how much you enjoy reading and plan to intentionally carve out more time for it? Are you reacquainting yourself with your spouse and children?

Have you found that Easter is more than the clothes, Easter egg hunts, going to Grandma’s and getting your child’s picture taken with the Easter bunny when you’re the only one who wants a traditional Easter photo – even if it turns out like this one? This is my favorite. Maggie wouldn’t stop crying, Sophie was completely done with the whole thing, and if you look close enough, you may even see the agonized scowl of the Easter bunny himself. (Sure, I could have put an end to the agony, but we’d already stood in line for 45 minutes and I’m no quitter!) Just be careful about saying this was the year we didn’t have Easter.

Yes, it’s important to be cautious and follow the lead of those in a position to inform and guide us. Being cautious and careful is smart. And don’t worry because when God doesn’t protect or prevent the way we think he should, he will provide.

Above all, please don’t miss the opportunity to take inventory and reimagine your world! You never know when something completely unimaginable is exactly what we desperately need.

Resurrection of Jesus Christ by Vintage Works (2009)

Advertisement

BUT WHY?

Very little is more frustrating than doing something simply for the sake of doing it. Many years ago, I attended a friend’s baby shower. I took my gift to the gift table and handed it to the gift table manager. She was quick to point out that the accompanying card didn’t have my friend’s name on it and suggest that I do that. Since there was only one mother-to-be at the shower, I hadn’t expected this social construct to be important. But in order for the gift table manager to have a fulfilling purpose beyond receiving and strategically stacking gifts, checking envelopes for names to add some value to an otherwise so-so responsibility. Or maybe she just really, really believed names should be on envelopes!

Sometimes, traditions get passed from one generation to the next. You know the story of the young mother asking her mother why she was always sure to cut off each end of the ham for dinner. Her mother didn’t really know why, so she asked her grandmother, who settled the matter saying, “Because none of my pans were big enough to hold a full ham.”

Simon Sinek examines this kind of thinking in this 5-minute short-cut version of Start With Why. And, yes, he focuses on business training, but when he says:

When we look at it this way, our church families are challenged to determine why we do what we do.

It’s so tempting to look at mega churches and feel a twinge of jealousy when our own small parking lot and pew seats remain sparsely filled. What do we do when popular churches offer spectacles more electrifying than Hamilton and all the members are on their feet in a deafening praise, while we have a generation of grandparents and great-grandparents, a smattering of young families, and teens with a very short attention span?

The harvest Jesus talked about is still out there, always out there, until God gives the nod to Jesus that it’s end-game time. So…

Why do we have church? Why do we open the doors, call for volunteers and pay for building maintenance? Why do we have coffee and doughnuts available? Why do we congregate and sing together? Why do our pastors prepare a new sermon every week and our boards get together to plan?

Why? We aren’t a business. The offering isn’t a cover charge.

Why did the field workers who got hired late in the day get paid as much as the workers who put in a full, grueling day? Because there was still work to be done. It absolutely must be done because we’re running out of time!

People are finding comfort from the wrong things. People are living one day after another without knowing how very loved they are by the one Father that will never leave them or forsake them. People are dying without salvation.

Certainly, there is plenty of work to be done before the sun sets. There are people who need to be loved into salvation.

What if all we ever have are the members of our small church to be the hands and feet of God? Here’s what I see in my church family:

• A generation with years of faith-building trials, heartache, blessings and wisdom that can only come from a long life. A generation that will not be here forever. Their hearts are soft enough to be pierced by the word of God; but their confidence in a good God is heard in their fervent prayers and felt by their gentle hands.
• A generation of young parents who have chosen to raise their children to trust God, appreciate Jesus, listen to the Holy Spirit, and love others. Their young ones won’t be young as long as we think they’ll be. Soon, they’ll be…
• Our youth, the ones who will elect the people who will determine the legislation that affect all of us. They’ll create and run business that will set standards of trust and transparency. They will be the thermostat for their community, their state, their country. They are the ones to whom we will entrust the harvest we don’t have the time to finish.

I think we need to know why we do church. I think we need to determine if we need to keep putting a name on a card when it can only go to one person. Maybe we need to figure out why we keep cutting the ends off our hams. There are far too many souls out there waiting to be loved into the kingdom of God for us to be wasting our resources on anything that doesn’t help get them there.

I ended my last post with “You are so loved!” I tell my family that often. They give me so much joy that I could never not love them. But this morning, after I’d texted my teenage daughter that she was ‘so loved’, Holy Spirit nudged me and said, “So are you. You and the rest of the world are so loved that God gave his only son, that whoever believes in the son will not perish but will have everlasting life. We are all so loved by our Father. He wants everyone to just come home where they belong! He already has a place at the table with our name on it.

That’s a pretty decent WHY!

Let’s pray that as fishers of men, we are as able to pull in a net bulging to the point of breaking as we are to trust Christ to tell us where to throw the net out and that we’re willing to throw it out at his word no matter how many times we’ve already tried or how tired we are.

And remember…you are so loved!

 

 

 

 

 

THAT ONE TIME WHEN I DIDN’T DIE

I love TED Talks! As in anyone-who-says-they-enjoy-TED Talks-is-automatically-my-new-best-friend kind of love. And, no, the poor souls never see it coming. This morning, this 16-minute talk showed up in Twitter and I’ve been excited to share it all day long!!

The title reminded me of my friend who celebrated his first birthday after surviving necrotizing faciitis (flesh-eating bacteria) as his I Didn’t Die birthday. And it reminded me of so many of my fellow survivors in the Aortic Dissection Support Group on Facebook. I hadn’t expected to hear so many of my own thoughts come out of someone else’s mouth.

On the other hand, I wasn’t surprised that someone else had those thoughts. Suleika Jaouad gave voice to an idea that I’ve been pondering. In the years since I survived my ascending aortic dissection, I have noticed that I have as much in common with cancer survivors as I do with dissection survivors. I also have a lot in common with people who have dealt with break-ups, being relieved of job responsibilities and the key to the employee entrance, financial losses, etc. You can add whatever you want to the list.

These are the 9 things I’ve noticed so far:

1. You are not alone. Everyone has either already endured a struggle or will eventually endure a struggle. No one finishes without at least one, and some people should probably just get their own punch card.
2. Any loss is still a loss, any pain is still pain, and no one else gets to determine how big, bad or scary your struggle is.
3. More often than not, you weren’t asked if it was okay with you. No, you didn’t get a vote. Yes, you get to clean up the collateral damage.
4. Surviving wasn’t necessarily a matter of being a warrior. Let’s face it – it’s intuitive for us to do what we can to not die, and everyone around us from family to physicians is doing everything to help us survive. That being said, it doesn’t mean you’re not going to work your guts out getting to the other side.
5. These things can change you in ways you may not be able to articulate. In fact, you may not want to share your thoughts at the risk of sounding ungrateful, because…
6. Your new life might suck. (I’m no angel, but this blog hardly seems the right place for a word that may offend some. So I apologize for any offense, but maintain that this is the most appropriate inappropriate word I can think of.) But honestly, “new normal” is a phrase only used when the change in your life is no picnic, right?
7. You are not the only one who went through it and came out on the other side a changed person. Your friends and family (and even your coworkers) are now the friends and family (and coworkers) of the person who survived. They have a “new normal” to adjust to as well.
8. Your recovery doesn’t have to be pretty or polished to be progress.
9. Finally, the biggest lie you may ever believe is that you’re the only one. Your story, statistics and survival may certainly be unique, but…See #1 again.

That’s it. That’s all I have right now. No confetti, pep talk or words of wisdom to end this post. But while you’re here, feel free to share something you think might help someone else not feel quite so alone.

Oh, you are so loved!

OK…FALSE ALARM!

OK. You know what? I think I just needed a nap, a hug, and some good friends!

Once again, God gave me a crash course in assurance. Most of my lessons are like this because I think God has this tiny window of opportunity before I change my mind. Seriously, I’m like that kid – you know the one – who gets to the edge of the diving board and is too scared to jump but they can’t really go back to the stairs either so they just stand there hoping the world will open up and swallow them whole but it doesn’t so they go ahead and jump with the conviction that they’re about to drown to death but when they don’t die they figure death would have been better than being embarrassed. Yeah, I’m like that kid.

Shortly after I called the wahh-mbulance the other day, I opened an email from Morgan Harper Nichols. Unlike most of the subscriptions I get emails from, she’s gone to the trouble of personalizing her emails with the recipient’s first name. And that means I saw this as the subject line before I even opened the email: You’re not alone LaRonda.

I know. Right?

Of course, as nice as it was, all I could think was, ‘Maybe you’re not alone, but I’m pretty sure I am.’

I was wrong. So very wrong. Because I’m lazy, I’ve cut  and pasted the rest of Morgan’s message:

When you find yourself in a new place, and you are trying find your footing, may you never feel that you have to navigate it alone. Consider it a blessing that there are other people in this world that you can learn from, even if you are not able to speak to them directly.

You may not be able to be as open to your boss or a colleague as you would like to, or you may not be able to seek wise counsel from family members like you wish you could, but that does not mean you have reached the limit on who you can look to or reach out to.

And it’s okay if “reaching out” takes you out of comfort zone. That’s exactly what’s supposed to happen. The moment you take the step to ask a question or express a need that you have is a bold rejection of the lie that you were meant to do this alone. It does not make you needy. It does not make you weak.

So don’t be so hard on yourself. If you feel that reaching out makes you vulnerable, it does…and it has also made you strong. You were never meant to be in this alone. And the more you begin taking steps to live out this truth, the more you will begin to see just how much it makes a difference in you.

May this be the week you begin to practice stepping out of your comfort zone just a little bit more. May you begin to open your heart to possibility that vulnerability takes courage and the willingness to accept that you have no idea what is going to happen. Be honest about what you are thinking and feeling this week. Be honest with yourself. Be mindful of the moments where you feel tempted to shut down or withdraw or give up. And it’s okay to have these moments and being able to acknowledge them is a huge step in working through them.

Sincerely,
Morgan Harper Nichols

Yesterday, I went to church and was surrounded by amazing people who had not only had their faith tested and strengthened, but are in the midst of a trial right now. It’s foolishness to think your problems are more insurmountable than someone else’s. I don’t think I’m struggling with how bad I think things are. I know there are painful things that I can’t imagine having to go through, and my heart breaks for anyone carrying such a load.

Lately I’ve thought a lot about painful things that can never change until we’re Home. Two people in our church family have lost their spouse this year. Another woman had her leg amputated. A young woman I once worked with lost her five-month old boy to SIDS. People don’t return to life. A limb isn’t going to grow back. I can eventually pay off debt or purchase another car. I can even arrange things to compensate for the changes in me since my open-heart surgery. And I’ll eventually learn how to work with one good arm and one permanently dislocated arm. It won’t always be easy, but it can be done.

However, some things do not change. There are some things that I can’t fix, and that makes me feel powerless and vulnerable. (That was harder to say than you might think.)

I’ve spent most of my life garnering as much control as I could because I was the only person I could count on to not hurt me. (And, honestly, I’ve probably been crueler to myself than anyone else has ever been.)

So right now, I need help to carry things, to cook, to do my job. I have to ask for help when I need it. Here’s what can happen:

• Someone will gladly help me.
• Someone will help me but not exactly the way I would have done it – which, of course, is the right way.
• Someone will help me and then hold it over me when they need to leverage it for guilt.
• Someone will say ‘No.’

That gives me a 50% chance be being hurt. And a 100% chance that I won’t ask for help until I’m desperate.

Fortunately, God has put people in my life who are as persistent as they are kind. Fortunately, God has infinite patience with me as he teaches me that it’s okay to ask for and accept help. And that I can be secure that if I reach out my hand, there will be someone there to hold it.

Sometimes, I just have to be brave enough to jump and trust that there are lifeguards who won’t let me drown. Yeah…pretty sure.

I THINK I’M DONE

When I started this blog a little over a year ago I felt pretty strong, pretty confident, and I had fantasies of writing something that would, in some small way, touch someone. My greater goal was to help people who felt unlovable to realize that they were lovable and loved by a God who treasures them, quirks and all. The only way I felt that was possible was from the other side of my own doubts. And to be honest, I lasted longer than I thought I would.

I don’t think I can do that right now. I have no doubt that one day I’ll start writing again, but it’ll definitely take more than I’ve got right now.

A few weeks ago, I posted Are We There Yet? I think that’s a fair enough question.

Most of the trouble is that I’ve always tried to be a good girl and never ask for much. I tried o be a good student, a good employee, a good Christian. I learned at a very young age that I was not much more than an option.

I don’t recall what I did wrong, but my mother told me she’d made a call to the orphanage. The only thing I understood about the orphanage (which we actually had in our city) was that it was where children went when they didn’t have parents. She told me someone would be by later to get me. They’d put me in a dark room and feed me when they felt like it.

I waited quietly until it was dark enough to know grown-ups weren’t at work anymore, which also meant someone hadn’t come to take me to the orphanage. I asked my mother if they were still coming to get me. She simply said, “They must have forgotten about you. They’ll probably come tomorrow.”

i never went to the orphanage. I continue to live with my mother, which was probably worse than the alternative.

I’ve spent most of my life convinced that I was unlovable and insignificant enough to be easily forgotten. At best, I was tolerated. But that tolerance was very conditional, and I was constantly reminded with, “If you don’t like it, you can leave.”

I didn’t like it, but I had no where to go so I couldn’t leave. And I didn’t leave until the day before my 21st birthday.

My point is this: When you grow up without grace  or mercy, there’s no way you can recognize it when you see it. Even if you could, you can not accept it when you’ve believed that you’re something to be tolerated.

I thought I had made progress, that I had more confidence in God’s word. But I know now that I haven’t. I was starting to come to terms with the limitations after my open-heart surgery. I kept looking for the good after I wrecked the car in January. I trusted God to provide when we had to replace a new furnace in February. I even tried to remain optimistic when I wrecked my shoulder at the end of March. And somehow, we’ll find a way to pay the taxes we owe to the state.

But if God knows me so well, doesn’t he know that I am not that strong? My body had already betrayed me enough, but to have to live the rest of my life with the pain and limitations of a permanently dislocated shoulder? How does that glorify God? To be so perpetually broke that the kindness of really generous friends and my husband’s family barely scratches the surface of our debt because more debt is piled on than we can dig out…how does that glorify God?

So I’m angry and confused. I feel foolish for trusting God because there are plenty of people who are looking at me and wondering why they should trust him if this is what a Christian life looks like.

So here’s the deal: I can not write anything encouraging or motivational right now. This post is concrete evidence of that. So I shall keep all of my thoughts inside my pretty little head until I can be nice again. Besides…if I don’t like it, i can always leave, right?

A MILLION PIECES

I haven’t written for awhile because I haven’t known what to say.

I feel broken. I feel defective. I feel confused.

I’ve been in the process of healing, of recovering, most of my life. And just when I’d gotten so far in healing emotionally, I’ve needed to recover physically. And I think I’ve had enough.

The thing about recovering and healing is that it’s always a partner to pain or illness. If you’re “getting better”, then you weren’t well. The unfortunate truth is that we don’t get to choose, do we?

By the time my family got home last night, I’d decided that I deserved pity. Pity and potato chips. (Don’t judge me! This was my pity party.)

I’d spent the week making a mental checklist of all the things I couldn’t do any more since I’d fallen and ruined my shoulder two months ago. And I got bonus points for the fact that I will most likely never be able to do anything on the list again. I had begun to see myself as broken. But I’d found this photo of a sunset reflected in a broken mirror. “Ah!” I mused. “Perhaps if that mirror can reflect beauty in spite of its brokenness, so can I.” (I know, right! Even I’m gagging.)

I considered doing my own rendition of a phoenix. But I really didn’t feel like rising from the ashes. Honestly, I was far more inclined to wallow in the ashes. At my best, I might have lain on my back and made ash angels, buy I’m unable to straighten out my left arm enough to manage even that!

Seriously, though, this “new normal” stuff stinks! And it seems that the only time you hear about someone’s “new normal” is when life hands them a cruddy plot twist. I haven’t researched where or when this phrase originated, but I have a feeling it was first used by a doctor who couldn’t fix someone or make them feel better and had no idea what to say. It would have been unprofessional to say, “Gee, you’re one really unfortunate person.” So they said, “This is your new normal now. You’ll learn to adjust.”

And most people do. They have no other option, really. At least not a good option. Their family adjusts, too, because this is now their “new normal”.

When you think about it, though, isn’t your life just one “new normal” after another? My daughter will have graduated this time next year. Her father and I will navigate the new normal of sending our baby out into the world, and she’ll work out the grown-up details of her new normal. My marriage to my husband almost 23 years ago was a pretty big new normal. Every new job was a new normal. Bringing a child into the world was a new normal.

So what we really have is a lifetime of constant new normal’s. And they all fall on a continuum between tears of unspeakable joy to tears of unspeakable despair. But God is there for all of it. None of it comes as a surprise to him. The hard part for most of us is not knowing why. “Why me?”

It is just as reasonable to ask, “Why not me?” The day after my pity party, I learned that a man who was less than two weeks from retiring when a car failed to stop at the stop sign. and hit the car he was a passenger in. He was less than two weeks from retiring. Chances are his wife had a Honey Do list waiting for him. He’s now beginning his retirement as a quadriplegic. That’s not a new normal that I think I could handle, and that humbles me.

Last night, my search for some inspirational words lead me to a video that I hadn’t planned to watch – because it was about miracles instead of a miry pit. It, too, shushed my whiny thoughts. It’s worth the five minutes you’ll spend listening to it.

Here in southern Minnesota, people are quick to say, “It could be worse.” Well, it could be better, too, don’tcha know.

I have no idea how to wrap this up. I guess – for me anyway – it comes down to two words. But God. I don’t understand…but God does. I don’t know how I’m going to get through this…but God does. I can’t find the good…but God can.

It’s easy to feel alone…but God is with me, even if I don’t feel him.

 

ARE WE THERE YET?

They say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, and I think that’s possible…eventually. But they don’t talk about the ass-whippin’ that “doesn’t kill you” in the first place, do they? They don’t talk about what it cost you or what it took to recover. They don’t talk about how it changed you or the scars or the collateral damage it left behind. They don’t talk about the humiliation you felt when it kicked you one last time and left you lying there, exhausted.

Right now, I’m angry and confused. For the first time in my life, I’ve taken a few hits and not given up on my faith in a loving God whom I still believe has a good plan for my life. And I think that’s a big part of my anger and confusion. I don’t understand why I seem to keep getting knocked down.

Let me explain myself first. I know that other people have problems.  I know that it could be worse. I don’t ask why me because I know the answer is why not me. What I want you to understand is that what I survived almost six years ago was statistically unlikely to survive. But I did. And recently, I suffered an injury that is statistically unlikely to happen. Both began simply. Both have changed me significantly. And I have no doubt that I’ve been firmly in God’s hands through it all.

I guess what I really want to know is, “Are we there yet?”

I’m tired of healing, recovering, being told there are no explanations.

I feel like God has been very persistent in making sure the only answer to any of my questions is him and him alone. But what scares me is this: If what I’ve gone through hasn’t gotten me where God wants me to be, how bad does it need to be to get me there?

 

MUSHROOMS AND OTHER THINGS I DON’T LIKE

I have a couple of things that I need to confess:

• I ignore any recipe that requires mushrooms.
• When I don’t like the first few pages of a book, I simply won’t read it.
• I don’t care how sick I am, I will not take Alka Seltzer if it goes in a glass of water.
• I take a pass on any devotionals that even hint at something I really don’t want to do. (You know the ones, right?)

For the most part, this list is pretty harmless, right?

Right?

Recently, I heard a story that is all too common today. Apparently, a passenger on a flight didn’t care to be seated next to a fat person, a fact she made abundantly clear to anyone near her. She had a belief paradigm in which fat people on a plane didn’t fit.

I came across another story along the same lines. (They’re not hard to find, folks!) This was a pretty transparent, well-articulated letter that highlighted the shame felt by most people who have ever been singled out and treated as “less than”.

It broke my heart. Not because it was written by an obese person or the fact that I understood all too well what it felt like to believe you were literally taking up more space than you should. It broke my heart because the treatment of the writer was both unkind and unnecessary.

As a person who likes to share every thought that pops into my head – and a few that take the express lane past the Does That Really Need to be Said? pit stop – I know how satisfying it can be to say whatever you think and how very hard it can be to hold your tongue. Just as every single teacher I had from Kindergarten through high school.

In fact, just last night, I was in a pretty foul mood after work, and my husband and daughter heard all about it when I got home.  When I decided it was time to stop ranting, some anger still sputtered out, much like the coffee machine does after it dispenses coffee. I grumbled, “I need to calm down. I want to write about kindness!” (I know! Right?)

I’ve had this on my fridge for a long time! Guess which one is me.

Most of that post was ditched this morning when I began to consider that maybe what we don’t do is as important as what we do.

God is all about balance. Christ demonstrated that. Every time he healed someone, it was every bit as much about asking the religious leaders why He shouldn’t heal someone as the fact that someone’s mind and body should be restored. I have no doubt that some of them were what their culture would call ‘undeserving.’

If there’d been a show of hands for who in the crowd of 5,000 men (plus their wives and children) should be healed, “those people” wouldn’t have been healed. Jonah had a really hard time offering God’s compassion to “those people” in Ninevah. Today, we have a hard time offering God’s compassion to “those people” in our lives, don’t we?

And doesn’t it seem like there are a lot of “those people” in our lives? Our coworkers, the government, the customers at the grocery store, the drivers on the highway, the people we are connected to through social media…They’re everywhere, and they get on our last nerve!

What gives any of them the right to be treated kindly? To be shown compassion? To be forgiven?

Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

Except God’s grace. The same grace that we are afforded. And before you think, “Well, I know I’m not perfect, but…”, think about all the times you’ve seen yourself get ugly about someone else. Yes, some times it is a righteous anger. But more often than not, it’s more about feeling justified.

We want what we want! We’ve grew up with the conveniences of refrigeration and automobiles – just two of the things that gave our families free time. Then we got fast food, and we got what we wanted right now. And then Burger King told us that we could have it our way. Today, social media allows us to create our very own truth bubble by subscribing to what we believe and blocking anything that doesn’t agree with our truth.

We are able to communicate with millions of people around the world and to access a ridiculous amounts of information, which we can customize to our liking. But instead of creating a sense of community with a variety of cultures by identifying the things we have in common, I think it creates a very egocentric mindset. If there’s something that doesn’t fit into our customized truth, we reject it. That doesn’t make us bad, though.

However, I suspect – and I could be wrong – that this customization lays the foundation for creating the culture of offense we have today. When I think my thoughts are better founded and my comforts are more important than someone else’s or my rights are superior to someone else’s, I can simply take offense. I become self-righteous. I begin to pick and choose who I will love, tolerate, affirm and forgive. That means that there are some of “those people” who won’t show up on my radar – because I eliminate them. It’s not something new, but now we’re able to dislike and disagree with people whom our parents, grandparents and great-grandparents didn’t have access to.

So what does this have to do with recipes with mushrooms and books? I’ll tell you tomorrow. Feel free to type your guess in the comments below!

 

OH, IT MATTERS!

Recently, I’ve  been a little discouraged because I’ve been focusing so very much on the things I can’t do instead of the things I can do. And I think it’s natural for the things you can no longer do to become magnified in importance and value. It’s like when you’re told to not think about purple-spotted elephants, and all you can think about are purple-spotted elephants. To be fair, though, I think there’s a certain amount of grieving we all go through when we start seeing limitations – whether they’re a result of one specific event or the natural process of aging.

Our lives can change in a moment, and not all changes are welcome. Some come along completely without our permission and challenge everything we thought we understood about ourselves and the world. It’s times like this that I think it’s natural to re-evaluate who we are and what our purpose is – especially if what we do is such an integral part of who we are.

This deep contemplation of life is how I started my morning today. What followed is my personal adaptation of If You Give a Mouse a Cookie, otherwise known as If You Give LaRonda a Random Thought. And it’s going to take longer for me to tell the story than the whole thing took to unfold – all before 7:30 am.

First I read a post from a blog I follow – The Godly Chick Diaries. After some great thoughts on heading into the new year with purpose, she ended her post by inviting her readers to contribute to the Hope for Humanity Foundation, which is dedicated to “empowering children and youth to shape their own future through the use of education.”

Then I checked out a devotion a friend texted me about a young boy who had no plan for his day but to see what the excitement in town was. Not knowing how long he’d be gone, he packed a lunch for himself. Had he planned to feed 5,000 men and their families, he probably would have packed a little extra. Who would have expected there would be more food left over than what he’d brought in the first place? See, he mattered!

Then I thought of a quote I’d read about doing small things greatly. (I love, love, love quotes!) I couldn’t remember it, so I Googled “small things done greatly.” I wasn’t disappointed!

“I long to accomplish a great and noble task, but it is my chief duty to accomplish small tasks as if they were great and noble.” – Helen Keller

“Not all of us can do great things. But we can do small things with great love.” – Mother Teresa

    Take your pick!

Helen Keller, Martin Luther King, Jr. and Mother Theresa have each created a legacy that has left a permanent impression in history. I doubt that any of them started their lives with a plan to change the world. Napoleon Hill is the guy who literally wrote the book on changing the world and is one of the most widely read authors to date on making the most of your life. They each mattered!

Then I remembered a speaker I’d heard at a Women of Faith conference who radically illustrated the point that the smallest things we do can have an exponential effect on the world, in ways we may never realize. Andy Andrews gave a magnificent, inspiring example of The Butterfly Effect. If you haven’t seen this, please take the 9 minutes and 48 seconds it takes to watch this video. I’m confident that you’ll never forget it or regret it.  And if you’ve heard it before, I encourage you to watch it again. It’s about a single thread of people who each mattered.

The birth of this talk particularly struck me this morning, having spent the past few days deliberating over just how much I have to offer my family, my employer, my church and my friends, much less the world. In short, do I matter? It wasn’t until I searched for the video that I knew how it originated.

Andrews wrote, “Working with the United States Air Force at the time, I was charged with finding ‘proof of the value of an individual life’.  At that time, the military as a whole was just discovering that suicide had become more prevalent within their ranks than with the civilian population as a whole.”

From that charge, Andrews developed this talk and wrote The Butterfly Effect: How Your Life Matters for adults and the pint-size version for kids called The Kid Who Changed the World. The long story is that everything we do has an effect on not only our immediate surroundings, but everything.

It’s hard to leave the house feeling small, unnecessary, and insignificant after a morning like that. And I thank God that he took the time to remind me of this truth:

Never doubt that God has a very specific plan for your life. He has already gone before you, made the way straight and prepared all the key characters. Because you matter.

If God can take an attractive young Jewish woman from obscurity and place her in a king’s palace, giving her great favor with all the right people – people who also had no idea how God had planned to use them – he can do something significant with your life.

Esther had no lofty goals of saving her people. In fact, she had no clue why she was where she was. Someone had to point it out to her: “For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father’s family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this?” (Esther 4:14, NIV) Two things are made clear here: What God plans will come to pass with or without you, and it’s really not about you. God didn’t put Esther in the palace so she could be a pretty queen. She mattered.

Chances are you’ll never be positioned to save a people from genocide. (No pressure there!) But you can make a small contribution to a valuable organization. You can pack a lunch for yourself and be prepared to share. You can open the door for someone. You can be kind to the customer service rep who is trying really hard to solve your problem. You can give a ride to someone who totaled her car and needs to get to work. 😉

Our days are absolutely full of opportunities to do small things in a great way. And you never know which one will change the course of history. (You know, just in case you are positioned to save a people from genocide.)

You are a child of God. You’re beautiful and significant to the One who created you. And the world is waiting for you to flap your wings because you matter!

(By the way…the name of the post that started this trip down the rabbit hole? “Thank you for Giving Me Wings!” God can be so clever. :D)